the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
