Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
