Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
