Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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