I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
