Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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