The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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