Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
