tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
