I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
