I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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