I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
