Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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