his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
