TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
