I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
