They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
