nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
