plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
