Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
