i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
