i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Randomize
