How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
