Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
