im about as happy as oj after his trial
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
