Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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