I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
