just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
