were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
