you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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