My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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