he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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