I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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