The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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