So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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