My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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