So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
