so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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