she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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