Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
