My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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