i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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