Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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