I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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