Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
