Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
