i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
