Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
