And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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