I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
