She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
