True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
