i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
