Absence makes the cock grow harder.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
