I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
