i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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