so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I believe in your delicious
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
