I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
