Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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