I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
